All of us carry over our shoulder a big burlap bag full of beetles, which are the emotional, physical and mental wounds we accumulate in the process of growing up. Each beetle speaks its wound, such as: “You can’t get anything right.” “You are stupid.” “You should be ashamed of yourself.” Nobody carries an empty bag, just some lighter than others. By the time we’re adults, these beetles are getting really cramped in there, stuffed next to all these other insects with horned noses, pincers and proboscis. They coexist adequately until we’re in our twenties or so, but then they’re too big and cramped and start chewing at the burlap, determined to escape, and eventually, a different amount of time for each person, make their way out, crawl onto our shoulder and start repeating their painful mantra. Beetle says: “You’re not good enough.” I believe--> “I’m not good enough.” Beetle says: “You’re stupid.” I believe--> “I’m stupid.” Beetle says: “You’ll never figure it out.” I believe--> “I’ll never figure it out.” The more we ignore them the more we see the world through Beetle Blinders.
The “beetles” we’re challenged to bridle these days are DARK. The ones I describe in this essay are relatively minuscule, but we have to start somewhere.
I wrote another short essay here called “The Spiritual War.” I’m working this through and would appreciate your thoughts.
Well, other than the slander to beetles...it's all true!
Kidding about the beetles, it is an apt metaphor, it is a very visceral thing, a beetle crawling on the skin, and so are traumas lingering and disfiguring us over time. Taking the metaphor further, there are some beetles that are good for the garden, and some that must be squashed. It is good to know your beetles.
This essay comes just in time for me. The last few days my "I'm not enough" beetle has been screaming tirades at me trying to convince me I'm unworthy of love.
I like the idea of John Wayne or the Marlboro Man confidently taming the beetles. Very empowering. And a nice moment of traditional "masculinity" reclaimed in service of healing.
Listening to Paul Selig, Marshall Rosenberg and Damien Echols, I put together this little shadow-work ritual to deal with negative self-belief. Brace yourself for a somewhat more woo version of the same concepts! I am finding that I need to return to it periodically when new elements of shadow surface and become a nuisance.
Very well done, particularly the beetle metaphor. I'll read "The Spiritual War" next. This is the exact issue I'm currently working on and it's no accident I found this. Lots & lots of work to be done. Thank you.
I'm just sorting out some past experiences that I feel like I glossed over without allowing myself to process appropriately. I pushed things aside with the attitude "well I'm glad that's over with, but I'm still standing" yet I didn't acknowledge how painful they were at the time or how they affected my sense of self. Better late than never. Thanks for asking. 🙏
The “beetles” we’re challenged to bridle these days are DARK. The ones I describe in this essay are relatively minuscule, but we have to start somewhere.
I wrote another short essay here called “The Spiritual War.” I’m working this through and would appreciate your thoughts.
Well, other than the slander to beetles...it's all true!
Kidding about the beetles, it is an apt metaphor, it is a very visceral thing, a beetle crawling on the skin, and so are traumas lingering and disfiguring us over time. Taking the metaphor further, there are some beetles that are good for the garden, and some that must be squashed. It is good to know your beetles.
Vital!
Hi from Charles Eisenstein's Sanity Project!
This essay comes just in time for me. The last few days my "I'm not enough" beetle has been screaming tirades at me trying to convince me I'm unworthy of love.
I like the idea of John Wayne or the Marlboro Man confidently taming the beetles. Very empowering. And a nice moment of traditional "masculinity" reclaimed in service of healing.
Listening to Paul Selig, Marshall Rosenberg and Damien Echols, I put together this little shadow-work ritual to deal with negative self-belief. Brace yourself for a somewhat more woo version of the same concepts! I am finding that I need to return to it periodically when new elements of shadow surface and become a nuisance.
I wrote about it on the original Creekmasons blog (from before I started a substack) at https://creekmasons.com/rituals/chaos-ritual-shadow-work/.
Very well done, particularly the beetle metaphor. I'll read "The Spiritual War" next. This is the exact issue I'm currently working on and it's no accident I found this. Lots & lots of work to be done. Thank you.
I’d love to know moe about the work you’re doing.
I'm just sorting out some past experiences that I feel like I glossed over without allowing myself to process appropriately. I pushed things aside with the attitude "well I'm glad that's over with, but I'm still standing" yet I didn't acknowledge how painful they were at the time or how they affected my sense of self. Better late than never. Thanks for asking. 🙏
Thank you for the welcome into your world!